So your best friend fucked up & now you are questioning whether they are still your bestie..
First off, after any incident that causes you to doubt your friendship you'll need to remember above all else to take care of yourself! After shit blew up w me & KB the breech of trust was all I could think about, my stomach was in knots and I had no appetite to speak of. I never would have expected my body to have such a severe response. It is super important that regardless of your physical reaction that you continue to eat healthy, regular meals that won't make you feel worse than you already do.
Secondly, you need to make sure that you surround yourself with all of the other most awesome people that you know. And no, this is not so that you can talk shit about the ex-BFF - but instead you should talk about boys, food, concerts, plans to take over the world and then maybe you can give them only facts about the situation to get some perspective BUT perpetuating your anger by spending time bashing or saying negative things is ultimately not helpful. Shit talking can bring instant gratification but let's be honest and vulnerable about the fact that you still love that person and you should not take joy in hating them. Unless she, like, kicked your dog off of a mountain, in which case she can never be forgiven and you should report her to the proper authorities.
Secondly, you need to make sure that you surround yourself with all of the other most awesome people that you know. And no, this is not so that you can talk shit about the ex-BFF - but instead you should talk about boys, food, concerts, plans to take over the world and then maybe you can give them only facts about the situation to get some perspective BUT perpetuating your anger by spending time bashing or saying negative things is ultimately not helpful. Shit talking can bring instant gratification but let's be honest and vulnerable about the fact that you still love that person and you should not take joy in hating them. Unless she, like, kicked your dog off of a mountain, in which case she can never be forgiven and you should report her to the proper authorities.
I was lucky enough to have these amazing ladies staying with me in my apartment and surrounding me for the whole weekend post BFF catastrophe. These girls were great listeners and really helped to keep me positive. In challenging times you need people around you that lift your spirits and that don't allow you to sulk and feel sorry for yourself - doesn't do anyone any good! Positivity and progress are two things that will do your body good.
Left to Right: Kat (rocknrollbride), me, Shauna (nubbytwiglet) and Gala (Galadarling)
Left to Right: Kat (rocknrollbride), me, Shauna (nubbytwiglet) and Gala (Galadarling)
When the time is right, communicate in an open and honest manor with your Frenemy, have a dialogue where no one is attacking and everyone is aware of other people's feelings. Letting each person get their feelings out is super important for the closer of the situation.
The goal should be resolution and understanding, you don't have to figure out your exact feelings in that moment, after the open dialogue if you need time to process that is more than ok. As cheesy as it is, "I feel, when you." statements are ever so helpful. Stay away from ,"you always" or "you never." Words are powerful tools and using them thoughtfully can save both people a lot of hurt and regret. It takes ten seconds to run something through your brain before spewing it into the world and it could be the different between loosing your BFF forever or not.
If in the end you've tried and you realize that you don't actually see any reason to be friends with this person anymore, remember that it is ok. You need to do-you, and I this person isn't supporting you won't your highest self then you probably don't need them.
Maybe you just need space from this person in order to gain some independence and perspective. People do change and its possible that you'll reunite, things might get worse if you don't give it room.
If I'd have written this blog the day that I initially thought of the idea the title would have been slightly shorter and the content much more bitter. I am glad that I held off and gave this situation the time it needed to cool off. Always try to remind yourself to give situations the appropriate amount of time & thought before taking drastic action.
I want you to remember that you don't NEED anyone, your happiness comes from within only but best friends are gold and should be treated as such.
KB & I's struggle was extremely unique and had all of the ingredients for a perfect disaster but after time, open communication and understanding we are back on track with our friendship. We are both growing and changing as individuals everyday so it only makes sense that our friendship would undergo some construction as well, a little remodeling never hurt any structure.
The goal should be resolution and understanding, you don't have to figure out your exact feelings in that moment, after the open dialogue if you need time to process that is more than ok. As cheesy as it is, "I feel, when you." statements are ever so helpful. Stay away from ,"you always" or "you never." Words are powerful tools and using them thoughtfully can save both people a lot of hurt and regret. It takes ten seconds to run something through your brain before spewing it into the world and it could be the different between loosing your BFF forever or not.
If in the end you've tried and you realize that you don't actually see any reason to be friends with this person anymore, remember that it is ok. You need to do-you, and I this person isn't supporting you won't your highest self then you probably don't need them.
Maybe you just need space from this person in order to gain some independence and perspective. People do change and its possible that you'll reunite, things might get worse if you don't give it room.
If I'd have written this blog the day that I initially thought of the idea the title would have been slightly shorter and the content much more bitter. I am glad that I held off and gave this situation the time it needed to cool off. Always try to remind yourself to give situations the appropriate amount of time & thought before taking drastic action.
I want you to remember that you don't NEED anyone, your happiness comes from within only but best friends are gold and should be treated as such.
KB & I's struggle was extremely unique and had all of the ingredients for a perfect disaster but after time, open communication and understanding we are back on track with our friendship. We are both growing and changing as individuals everyday so it only makes sense that our friendship would undergo some construction as well, a little remodeling never hurt any structure.
Some quotes that will hopefully inspire good communication...
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
― Mahatma Gandhi, All Men are Brothers: Autobiographical Reflections
"Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die."
- Malachy McCourtro
'Best Friends' hold a super sacred place in GIRL WORLD and when things between you and yours' aren't going well it can be the most debilitating thing ever. I would love to hear about different ways that you ladies handle life when you and your besties are going through a tough time. (Leave stories in comment box, with an email address if you'd love a response!)
This photo that KB put on Instagram is from my birthday this year, it reminds me of an amazing day that she helped me forget about all the challenging situations I was (and still am) dealing with. We had a beautiful day full of laughs, creating memories that I will be talking about for years.
I love you Kaitlin Marie and I could not be more glad that we were able to work out our issues and come to an understanding of each other's 'side.' Stay tuned to see how we stay close when we live a thousand miles away from each other!
xox kp
This photo that KB put on Instagram is from my birthday this year, it reminds me of an amazing day that she helped me forget about all the challenging situations I was (and still am) dealing with. We had a beautiful day full of laughs, creating memories that I will be talking about for years.
I love you Kaitlin Marie and I could not be more glad that we were able to work out our issues and come to an understanding of each other's 'side.' Stay tuned to see how we stay close when we live a thousand miles away from each other!
xox kp
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